Long Time Coming

Please tell me this is all a part of growing up, because the thought of being someone who I haven’t been for 22 years is a bit, no, very unsettling.

Does growing up and knowing yourself better directly imply that your tolerance for people unlike you decreases? I could mask it as “I’m self aware and honest and don’t see the point of pretending otherwise.” But honestly, it scares the hell out of me because I’ve been a pretty tolerant person my entire life. I’ve never passed extreme judgements or let anyone affect me to the extent of wanting to avoid their company at any cost. But that seems to be changing because I’ve honestly had enough.
Before this turns into an angst-y post which I don’t intend it to be, I’ll get down to what’s been pending for a while. The many developments over the past few months. The neglected mental notes to blog about the revelations that each development invited.

Feb 2011 I started interning at CARE India, this amazing international humanitarian organisation that works for the empowerment of the poorest and most marginalised communities in India, with special focus on women and girls. The gender angle naturally appealed to me, as did the scale and scope for impact. The three month internship had me doing all sorts of content development, event management, social media management and communications work. I don’t think I intend on making a career out of development communication but it was the perfect place for me at this point to gain a bird’s eye view of work across verticals (health, education, livelihoods and emergency). The highlight of the 3 months was most definitely my field trip to West Bengal towards the end of my internship where I travelled through the interior districts and acquired insights into a vicious but preventable cycle of social problems. (Hopefully, I’ll write a longer post on that soon)

Also during my internship, I met this amazing little girl in Ghaziabad where we run an HIV/AIDS project called EMPHASIS for migrant workers from Nepal and Bangladesh. I’d just begun working on my photography and I’ll always keep this photograph as a reminder. I can’t get over how beautiful she is.

June 2011, CARE offered me a consultant’s role which I accepted for 8 months till Jan ’12. My main responsibility is devising and launching a volunteer engagement programme for them. They’ve had nothing of the sort before so it’s more challenging and interesting which is why I took it up. I don’t know if I’ll continue after Jan but that’ll depend on a whole bunch of factors. Which brings me to my first edition of ‘Realisations of 2011' - The year so far.

1. The everlasting, havoc-inducing tug of war between development work and event management and travel journalism and fashion merchandising, has been resolved. I’m far too passionate about human/child rights and travelling to spend my life doing anything else. It comes down to being okay at something everyone’s doing as opposed to being excellent at the one thing you’re choosing to do (which I have tried to explain to my grandmother, to no avail).
2. If I were the sort to have an idol, it could be Audrey Hepburn.
3. What do you know! Social Work Does Pay *sarcasm aimed towards those who said I'd be a pauper for life* 
4. Relationships change. And sometimes there’s nothing at all you can do but watch it happen.
5. I’m made for development work because towards the end of what could easily be the most eye opening, pity/sympathy inducing and possibly, upsetting days of someone’s life (my field visit) I was more motivated than ever to make a difference. I really believe it’s possible because there’s just SO much to be done. Like I’ve always maintained – there’s something magical about the nature of humankind’s unwavering faith. Seeing what people have achieved without resources makes you think of how much they can with.
6. I need to watch movies. Regularly. If I don’t, I’m restless.
7. Yoga isn’t overrated at all. It’s really that amazing. In fact, I fully intend on going to Mcleodgang and doing a 2 month yoga course some day. But for now, classes at home will suffice.
8. If by next year I can’t narrow it down to a few universities and masters courses I’d like to apply for, and of course, figure out where the money for an education abroad is coming from (both very likely), I’ll apply for an overseas volunteer/internship/short-term job opportunity. Travel + Work Ex!
9. The most unfortunate realisation of all – the transition from ex-girlfriend to friend is never as easy as the transition from friend to girlfriend. History remains, feelings linger. For every 10 days you’re a friend, there will be 2 when you’re the ex (purely feelings-wise). This is quite a blow for someone who has spent years believing that friendship with exes minus the baggage was possible.
10. Sometimes - ignorance is bliss, it’s alright to be stubborn, it’s imperative to stand up for yourself and it’s therapeutic to let go.

As I expected, the post began with something and ended with something else entirely. This is what happens when I don’t write for too long and make post-its instead. Ah, well.